Sunday, because Mr. Meyer had already told me that Mr. Schlinke had been there; to which he replied that he hadn't noticed anything unusual. When I now accused him of doubting the authenticity of his friendship and told him which letter I had received from Bertha, he told me that not only had he seen Mr. Schlinke there, but that Bertha had served him coffee again in front of everyone, that he had been very well received there, and that when he entered from the small room into the large front ( 276 ) room, he had seen Bertha and Schlinke sitting alone together, and the latter caressed the first under the chin.

Taken together, all this should perhaps rightly evoke in me the judgment about Bertha that Br. Teichelmann and Mr. Kook pass on her, and in moments when the memory of the past is less vivid in me, I almost feel inclined to do so. But they don't know Bertha, don't know what means are used to steal her heart away from me, and are just as incapable of making herself pleasing to her old lover only by giving herself completely to him and destroying me. I cannot help but still respect her, humbly acknowledge God's just chastisement upon me, and, mourning my irreparable loss, blame those who never ceased to work upon it. The only thing I'm sorry about is that Bertha didn't tell me openly and freely from the outset that her unrest of conscience was driving her back to Schlinke, and that she placed the blame for her separation from him, at least in part, on me, so that we didn't part completely in love, and the memory has something ignoble, I could almost say, common for me.

Forgive me, all-knowing God! Whatever sin I may have committed in this relationship that has now been dissolved, help me to become sober again and be you always comfort and my peace and my only joy.

( 277 ) May 7th, 1840.
Today I sent my boy to Klemzig with my answer to Bertha's letter; She wasn't at home, but was in town and, as I learned from Mr. Meyer, had visited Schlinke.

May 11th, 1840.
I sent Gottfried with Bertha's letters and a note asking for money to Mr. Fiedler in Klemzig; he brought back my letters to Bertha except for the last one, along with the lining of the dress which I had given Bertha, and a small letter from Mr. Fiedler, in which he sent me £5 Sterling and assured me that he felt the same pain with me, but that he could do nothing to satisfy my wishes.

May 14th, 1840.
I called on His Excellency Mr. Moorhouse to receive his support for the publication of our dictionary. He was very friendly, extremely, it should give him great pleasure to promote anything of the kind, and he kept the copy of the grammar and the list of words; Hall, who had seen both before, said of the former that it was a very good development of language.