Lord? so she said she didn't know. Miss Pennyfeather believes that she has not yet lost ( 264 ) all affection for me and encouraged me not to give up hope. According to Bertha's statement, I am not pious enough and she is afraid of being separated from her family and from Pastor Kavel's pastoral care. Miss Pennyfeather said that Bertha had a desire to talk to Pastor Kavel and invited me to Sunday to find out what advice Pastor Kavel had given Bertha and what she herself had said to him since she promised to do this. In the evening I could only say goodbye to Bertha in passing, as she had just come out of the cowshed when I left and apologized with her dirty hands.

April 11th, 1840.
During the interrogation of a native before the magistrate, I was an interpreter and had to swear that I would carry out this office conscientiously - my first judicial oath in my life.

April 12th, 1840. Sunday.
Today I held the lesson with Br. Teichelmann, in which only Dr. Drescher was present. In Klemzig I was late for confirmation, which is why I had to spend two long hours alone. Bertha acted very strange to me when she came out of church. Pastor Kavel had an English service right after the German service, in which he read out his sermon by John Newton(214). After lunch had been eaten, the children's lesson, which I attended, began again. So there was little time left for me to talk to Pastor Kavel, and since he ( 265 ) didn't seem inclined to answer my questions, but said that he first had to talk to Bertha to find out whether the obstacle had been lifted, and that I myself knew well in which case he would tell her that she should stick to her promise, so I left here too, empty and desolate.

As I was about to leave, Miss Pennyfeather offered to accompany me part of the way and as we walked through the village she told me that she had invited Bertha to the afternoon, but that she had not come, because of me, as she believed. She went with me to Fiedler's house and, without my knowledge, asked Bertha to accompany us; She seemed reluctant, but finally gave in. As soon as we were out of the village I asked if the ladies would like to take my arm, whereupon Miss Pennyfeather immediately took my right arm. So I offered Bertha the left one, but she turned it down and only took it when Miss Pennyfeather said to her that that was unkind, but that we could at least love each other as Christians. I asked her again if it wasn't possible to give me her heart again and forgive me completely? She should remember our old love and our mutual assurances that we would make each other happy, and she should show mercy to me.

( 266 ) But she repeated that she could no longer love, and I would have received a letter from her yesterday if only she had had someone who would have told me her complete decision. I then said that her conscience was troubled by her previous association, which made me feel very sorry for her, and did she think that I had not previously discussed this matter with her from the outside as I should have?